Authors formal apology for the length of this post.

I think most people that read this already know my history with ballet and specifically pointe work.  I’ve studied classical ballet since 1992 (not doing the best at getting to class in the past couple years).  My studies included 8 years of pointe work.  I still maintain that it was one of the hardest decisions in my life to stop studying pointe.  It was part of a bigger decision to also choose a profession outside of ballet – a decision that changed my life in a huge way.

In terms of profession and most recently relevant, was my desire to have a family.  For years, I wanted nothing more than to be a ballet teacher.  I had even been accepted into the OU ballet pedagogy program.  But I’m glad I didn’t go given my change in direction.  I knew that I could have a family and be a ballet teacher if I wanted.  I also knew that it would mean working nights and weekends – the time when my kids would be home.  I made the choice to find a profession that gave me a day job, so I could be home when my family was home.  I’m sure this is a long debated choice for many artists/parents.  Now that Will is here, it sinks in that this is why I made that decision.

Specific to pointe though, the arches in my feet weren’t going to sustain the level of work I was doing.  I developed tendinitis in my arches at the age of 16.  I continued pointe (taking 800mg of ibuprofen when the tendinitis flared up) and fought to find the ‘right’ pointe shoe.  While I studied at the Joffrey Ballet School, Edith d’Addario recommended I try Martin pointe shoes from Germany.  Even those were never quite right though.  They had such a hard box, that I couldn’t feel the floor even though the shank was hard enough that it kept my feet from over arching.  I eventually settled into a Bloch shoe, but by that time the damage was done.

BTW – Since when does Zappos sell pointe shoes?!  That’s awesome!!

So what exactly do I mean by “Missing Pointe?”  Right now I miss ballet since I haven’t been to class for a while, but I’m working on remedying that.  Staying in class reminds me that ballet is a passion of mine that I can never give up completely, but that I’m still comfortable with my professional decision.  However, it also reminds me that I do miss pointe.

People often ask me if pointe work hurts.  And it did the first few months, but then I built up a pain tolerance and calluses.  The pain disappeared and it became a brand new art form.  By going on to the tip of the toe, there is a single fluid line that a flat shoe can’t create.  It even feels cleaner to me to be on the tip of the toe instead of having my toes flexed against the floor.  I miss those clean lines, the incredible strength required to make them, and the pure awe of the art.

I have a few pairs of pointe shoes in my cedar chest and I used to keep every pair of shoes I ever wore.  I tried hanging them from the ceiling in my bedroom once, but it started pulling the ceiling tiles down.  I also got the idea to make a ring of them from the arts school I performed at in NYC.  I never had enough shoes to complete the circle though.  Eventually many of the pointe shoes got holes in them from bugs and they weren’t worth keeping anymore.  I still have my first pair (blood stains and all) and would love to bronze them someday.  I also have 1 completely new pair of the Martins.  They are in perfect condition.  I have a plan to saw one in half and show one half of the outside and one half of the inside in a shadowbox.  But I could easily sew ribbons and elastic on them tonight and dance around the house.  The past couple weeks, its taken me a lot of inner strength to not do just that.  To feel that hard box constrain my feet enough that I can stand on my toes and hold an arabesque or twirl a pirouette.

Ballet will always be deeply rooted in me (a brick in my foundation in the words of Q).  Pointe will always be deeply rooted in me as well, but in a way that I can never (or at least should never) truly experience again.

It was just over a year ago now, that I wrote about The Joffrey Ballet getting a new director.  Today it was announced, Gerald Arpino, the former director, has passed away.  I have to say that I don’t know a lot about him in detail.  His passing is historical though as both he and Robert Joffrey, the original founders of The Joffrey Ballet, have both passed now.  So as little as I know about him, he is still a significant loss to dancers and dance fans alike.

A video from the Joffrey made me nostalgic today and something j.c.w said about “how the tools we use shape the music that we create” (and further conversation with him) triggered a somewhat random thought about the purpose of classical ballet in today’s culture.  I want to clarify that I do mean classical ballet as in The Nutcracker, Sleeping Beauty, Romeo & Juliet, Giselle, and Swan Lake (among so many other classic full ballet productions).  Our culture today often times demands new and amazing things.  What’s new and amazing about The Nutcracker?  It has been redone how many times, by how many groups?  Some dance companies try to remake some of these classic productions in new ways to fit with the demands of today’s culture.  While some of these are interesting, it serves a different purpose than the traditional productions.

The purpose of a traditional production is much like the purpose of hanging a Monet painting in a museum or reading Pride and Prejudice.  These traditional productions are a piece of history.  Each time a company reproduces Giselle, there will be small details that are different that make the historical piece worth seeing again and again.  The ballerina portraying Giselle has to be strong technical, but also in her emotional acting.  The intricacy of her character can make a ballerina’s performance different between the 2 o’clock showing and the 8 o’clock, let alone two different ballerina’s.

While j.c.w says we can’t consciously choose what parts of our culture we keep (which is very true), I encourage you to see a classical ballet production.  Especially if you can see one other than The Nutcracker.  The Nutcracker is wonderful, but is geared towards children.  Go see Giselle, Swan Lake or Romeo & Juliet if you get a chance.  They are full of drama, romance (take a date), and death (then you can hold your date close or wipe their tears).  Go and enjoy though!

Wii Fit is awesome.  It told me I’m underweight (and made my mii look scrawny).  So I’m working towards putting on some muscle.  I’ve been trying out all of the exercises until I figure out a good routine (and open more strength training exercises).  I was doing the aerobic workout tonight, bopping to the beat, looked over, and realized the mii next to me was my brother!  He was way too excited to be exercising with me.  It was really weird.  My grandma works out with me too.  And Jesus.  Anyways, I think it’s a really brilliant game.  There is a variety of exercises/games.  Some are more game like – great for families.  Others are focused on strength and tone.  It doesn’t beat some good old fresh air, but for someone that finds the treadmill lacking, Wii Fit is a great exercise program.

From a ballerina’s perspective – it works the quads a bit heavily so far.  I’m hoping that changes with more exercises I open.  I was surprised to find it challenging my balance too.  That might be more because I’m out of practice.  Last, I refuse to do the running exercises.  Its so bad for ballet.  You want to lengthen your muscles, not build bulk.

There is an article in Newsweek by Sascha Radetsky, famed American Ballet Theatre dancer, called “Don’t Judge Me By My Tights.” He writes about the stigmas towards male dancers. I’ll say that I had my fair share of taunts about being a ballerina, but nothing compared to him. Nobody ever beat me up over it. It’s a really well written article. Please read it! A brief summary:

It’s frustrating that I feel obliged to extol the virtues and describe the rigors of my profession. I’d just like to make it known that the path of the male dancer isn’t necessarily easy—as with any truly worthwhile endeavor—but the rewards can be limitless. I feel lucky to have discovered a vocation that has allowed me to glimpse the great depth of human potential, both physical and mental, and has given me the opportunity to bring joy to so many people in so many places. I feel there is honor in the arts, in the world of dance, in the realm of male ballet dancing.

By the way, you might remember him from the movie Center Stage (if you saw it). He was Charlie.