On Parenting and Balancing Life
A friend recently posted an article about women that choose not to have children, which spurred an internal response of why I did choose to be a mother and various aspects of parenting for me. I’m sure this is partially influenced by the addition to our family this year as well. Before I write anything about my own life though, I think its important for me to clarify the purpose of my writing. Specifically, I’m not writing this to offend anyone or suggest that their way of parenting is wrong.

First, I completely respect the decision by others to not have children. I especially respect making that decision and not having children then. Being a parent is a commitment, one I find very rewarding, but a commitment nonetheless. My heart also goes out to those that would like to be parents, but for whatever reason, they are not able to. Some of them have gone through very painful experiences that I can never imagine. They are parents too and in a way that many of us hope to never understand.

Parenting is a unique experience for everyone, even husband and wife. Consciously or not, we analyze our own childhood bringing its influence in one way or another to the raising of our children. And because any two parents will have different childhoods (at least in this state!), they bring a combined influence that is unique for their children. None of that says that any one parenting style is wrong though. We each cobble together what makes sense to us and I pray that God takes a hand in there and makes it all work.

Respect given to others, I am proud of the life that we lead and I love it day in and day out.

Why I am a Mother
Last night I was up at 12:43, 1:06, 2:01, 2:05, ~5, and 5:30. I have gotten 2 nights of solid sleep in the past 9 months or so. Sleep deprivation is used as a torture technique, so why would I volunteer for this gig?! Despite the numerous wake up calls, I woke up today and pulled myself together to face the day and accomplish something. I didn’t dictate what that something had to be, but I was determined to do something, which I did.

I’ve always known that I wanted to have children. Honestly, I always wanted to have a little girl named Elizabeth for very personal reasons. That’s not what I was given, but I love my little boys and I wouldn’t trade them for anything (but I’m also not thinking of trying for a third, haha).

For some time when we were dating, my husband had fish that I helped care for. We had panda corycats successfully breeding. Baby plecos as well. And then one day they all died. Babies and adults. All dead. And my husband was out of town for a conference. At the time I kept thinking, “if we can’t keep fish alive, how will we ever raise children?”

Parenting isn’t easy, but thankfully it has turned out better than my fish raising skills. There are aspects of parenting that constantly challenge us to rise above and be the parent rather than the friend. Such as waking up all night and helping teach the child how to go back to sleep. But knowing when they are in pain and need more help than usual. And the never ending task of teaching them how to express their emotions (good and bad). These are all great responsibilities, but with them come a great joy.

Parenting is deeply rewarding. The first smile and first laugh are worthy of happy tears. Helping them explore the world, learn new skills and words, and hearing them randomnly tell you “I love you chicken nugget!” I have the privilege of singing and dancing with my kids whenever we feel like it (which is often). Each day, I’m faced by a bright shining face (or two) that says, “Mommy!” with words or expressions. And now I watch them with a relationship all their own, where the younger child adores the older child, despite the older child’s attempts to “teach him roly poly.”

I’ve also had a “mother hen” tendency since I was little. As a little girl, I was caring for the numerous kittens around me. As I grew older, I became protective of my friends. Some have commented on how I protect a team at work. And now I have my brood to protect (in this case my brood includes my hubby…). Maybe it comes from my father because he was a sheep farmer for some time (and a goat farmer now). An analogy from a church leader comes to mind as well, where he described the things that are so important to us that they are a brick wall in our heart and we never let anyone come close to knocking it down.

With both the challenges and rewards, we are a very close family, the four of us. My boys, and me, the lone woman of the house. We play hard. We work through the challenges and we come out stronger each time. I feel a sense of connection that I can’t get anywhere else. Its worth protecting such an amazing experience. Nothing could ever compare to the joy I get from my family each and everyday. That is why I am a mom. And my little burrito can call me a chicken nugget any time he wants.

The last couple of months have been busy! But when I say that, I don’t mean the daily routine.  The daily routine, I am realizing, has a zen like feel because it is balanced.  I spend 1-1 time with the baby, I spend 1-1 time with the preschooler, I spend 1-1 with the hubby, and we spend lots of time all together.  Together, we finish securing the new playset from our strong west winds; the preschooler helps by playing of course and the baby helps by chilling in a bouncy – soaking in all that the outdoors has to offer.  The routine just washes over, leaving us focusing on family and learning what it means to be 4.  Its only the end of May and already I feel like we have enjoyed the better part of a full summer.  Except for one thing.  Our garden, which is just starting to take off.

It is the urban farm season again and I am excited to have everything planted.  We added full sized onions this year – though I learned that I should have germinated those in January.  I’m not sure how it will turn out this year, but like every experience I will learn from it and modify the plan for next year.  We lowered our chicken coop wire (rodent deterrent), bought tomato stakes that are easier to store through the winter, and used a different layout that I hope takes advantage of the space better – until next year when I need to rotate the crops.  We also added a fence in our yard this year, which has us thinking of a garden along the back fence line with strawberries, raspberries, or other perennial produce plants.  There are so many options to grow from here.  We are merely planting the seeds (pun intended) for our urban farm.

This past weekend we had a few visitors stop by on their way home to Wesley Acres.  They were happy to pause for a treat and a potty break.  We were happy to meet them and spoil them a touch. Don’t you just want to give him a big kiss?!

Somehow, I found the time this spring to finish one more sewing project too.  I think it was just sheer determination.  I was tired of the velcro on my old purse and wanted something small (relative to a diaper bag) for carrying at work.  This scrap fabric was just calling to me after making the skirt as well.  Unfortunately, every time I wear the skirt, I have needed a full diaper bag, so I can’t wear the matching set.  But I love carrying my purse with me every work day.  (Pattern by Keyka Lou.)

We have a lot of summer left and so much to be thankful for already.  The only thing left to do is sit back and enjoy the wonder of life.

It has been so long since I created clothing for myself!  I’m pretty sure the last time was my wedding dress.  I started making an outfit for myself last year, but while cutting out fabric I started getting nauseous…and that was the first sign that that project was going to be pretty pointless for a while.  Its sitting in a drawer somewhere.  Perhaps I will return to it sometime.

Many months later, I have a beautiful baby boy and nothing to wear to weddings, baptism, etc.  I want to take more of a skirt and top approach to my dress clothes options.  I love making dresses, but they are limited to one look.  So, I took advantage of many short little half hour naps while home with a little one.  It wasn’t easy, but I made a skirt (pattern M5431).

The photo doesn’t do it justice either.  I haven’t been able to get a picture of me wearing it yet, but should soonish.  It has pockets, to which a friend of mine said “hey you don’t have to carry a purse!”  And I replied, “no, just a giant diaper bag.” Heh.  If I were to go out with just Mark though, then I wouldn’t need a purse.  But I kind of like the fabric and have a purse pattern that would really suit it.  So, I might have to make one sometime.

For now though, life is about to get very busy as I return to the working world.  Sewing is therapeutic for me and so I have no doubt that I will return to my projects soon enough, but it is not a high priority as we get adjusted to our new life.

For my last birthday, I got the pattern book Sewing for Boys, which was very well timed as I had just learned I was having a second boy.  The first project I made from it was the pullover jacket.  It has a big front pocket and then a little secret pocket for him to stash little things in, which he already loves.  I do have a couple of comments on the pattern though.  First, the step to make the secret pocket flap says to put the pieces wrong side together…and then turn it right side out after stitching.  I’m pretty sure they meant right side together, but then I don’t sleep much right now.  My other comment is that the photos show a different use of the contrast fabric.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the way this jacket turned out, but I expect the examples to follow the pattern exactly so I can see exactly what to expect.  Devil is in the details I suppose.

Comments aside, I love this book and I’m excited to try more patterns from it.  And I can remake this jacket in bigger sizes too.  I think I can really get into this tracing patterns thing.

Last, since the baby suddenly had 2 great days in a row, I snuck downstairs during a nap and made a belt for Will too.  So far he loves it.  He will definitely be needing it considering he is tall and skinny (i.e. pants/shorts don’t stay up).  Can’t imagine where he gets that, haha.

I have read three books since Christmas that have had a greater impact on me than I expected.

Farm Anatomy: The Curious Parts and Pieces of Country Life

This is a fun book to learn a lot of general detail about farming.  It is also an easy read (I read the entire book on Christmas Day).  This book is ideal for the “city folk” that want to understand what those “country folk” are talking about, but its also a fun read for the “country folk” that already know some, most, or all of it.

The Accidental Farmers

I forget where I saw the recommendation for this book, but I’m glad I read it.  Tim and Liz Young set out to move to the country and enjoy the country life.  With a need to make a living still, they explored different options and became natural livestock farmers.  More on what I took away from this in a moment.

Broken Heartland: The Rise of America’s Rural Ghetto